[September 3rd, 2008]

Winners

1 . Screw politics—the [b]Oregon Zoo was the week’s clear winner. Portlanders were so enraptured by Rose-Tu the elephant’s new baby that many put aside how bizarre and abusive the captive pachyderms’ relationship seemed to be, and barely noticed when zookeepers had to put down one of the zoo’s three polar bears. And all the publicity comes in advance of the zoo’s $125 million bond measure in November. Never mind—this was about politics, too.

2. Portland Mayor-elect Sam Adams has managed to keep his hair unmussed and his sleeves clean of any blood and saliva that have flown his way as his ally/surrogate, Commissioner Randy Leonard, brawls with Mayor Tom Potter and Police Chief Rosie Sizer. Leonard released a 16-page slam of the bureau last week, which Adams commissioned. This is like having your new girlfriend tell your wife that you want a divorce.

3. Shoo-in candidate Martín González strolled into a vacant seat on the Portland Public Schools board last week. The board appointed González, an activist and TriMet employee, to replace Dan Ryan, who left the board in June to take over the Portland Schools Foundation. His nearest competitor was an overeducated white woman in a pantsuit. Hmm.

Losers

1. Republicans had a rough, rough week, and the Oregon breed must be especially bummed. First there was that Obama orgy in Denver. Then WWire revealed party devotee Julia Brim-Edwards of Southeast Portland—one of the local GOP’s few prominent women—defected to the Dems. Next week Reagan will rise from the grave to say he was wrong about communism.

2. Mack Parnell, the second of four young men who allegedly went on what Portland police and news media confusingly call a “wilding spree”—stealing and beating people apparently at random—got arrested last week. Unfortunately, this is the only way some people have of getting their pictures in the paper.

3. Portland’s remaining modesty was further eroded last week, as employees at the fancy-soap store Lush frolicked about Northwest 23rd Avenue wearing nothing but aprons. They drew nearly as much attention as downtown’s new Bikini Coffee shop, with none of the protesters. That is, unless KOIN reporter Ken Boddie, who fretted whether the bared bottoms went “too far,” counts as a protester.